Symptoms (was: RE: [LINK] LINK INSTITUTE MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH
Wed, 5 Feb 2003 13:34:30 +1000
This is an unedited copy of real IDC fluff:
>This forecast comes from IDC's Web Services Total Opportunity
>Model, a dynamic behavioral simulation model relating timely
>benefit and cost information from real adopters to the total
>Web services IT opportunity - in hardware, software, and services.
>This model shows the synergy between IT disciplines as the
I forgot to include a grouped version of the affliction...
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Chirgwin, Richard [mailto:Richard.Chirgwin@informa.com.au]
> Sent: Wednesday, 5 February 2003 10:44
> To: 'email@example.com'
> Subject: [LINK] LINK INSTITUTE MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH
> LINK INSTITUTE PRESS RELEASE
> Following years of research, Link Institute chancellor Professor Alan
> Klerphel has announced the group's first publication in the
> health sciences.
> The Institute says its paper describing a new disease
> syndrome has been
> accepted for publication in the Blenheim Institute Journal.
> The institute
> has given the syndrome the umbrella name Solar Postereosis,
> and says it has
> also identified various presentations of the disease.
> "Research which began in the earliest days of the dotcom boom
> indicates that
> S.P. is of recent origin," Klerphel said on behalf of the
> Link Institute.
> "S.P. is a disorder of the belief system, and its most
> frequent forms are we
> have named Primary Solar Postereosis, Secondary S.P., and
> Tertiary S.P."
> The Institute described two rarer forms, designated S.P.P.
> and S.A.P. The
> presentations of S.P. are described below.
> Solar Postereosis Pragmatacos (S.P.P.) - while not yet
> diagnosed in any
> individual, this form of the disease describes a presentation
> of S.P. in
> which an individual is able to consistently make accurate
> predictions about
> the future of technology and/or technology markets. "This
> could almost be
> regarded as prophecy", Klerphel said, "and so far, we have
> not discovered
> any evidence of an individual contracting the disease."
> Primary Solar Postereosis (P.S.P.) - in this presentation,
> S.P.'s symptoms
> are that one individual will believe another individual to
> have S.P. It is
> most frequently caused by close proximity to a persuasive individual
> (referred to herein as the "target"), but may abate once the sufferer
> returns to his or her normal surroundings.
> Secondary Solar Postereosis (S.S.P.) - this much more
> dangerous form of the
> disease is diagnosed when the delusional belief system of
> P.S.P. persists in
> the absence of the "target". In this form, the delusional
> belief system of
> P.S.P. may result in ludicrous business or investment decisions.
> "S.S.P. is also dangerous because it induces an evangelical
> mindset in the
> sufferer," Klerphel noted. "This means the S.S.P. sufferer
> will not only
> believe in the infallibility of the target, but will try and pass that
> conviction on to others."
> Tertiary Solar Postereosis (T.S.P.) - in this virulent and
> dangerous form of
> the disorder, S.P. arises in individuals who have experienced
> no direct
> contact with the target. "In other words," Klerphel
> explained, "the T.S.P.
> sufferer has entered his or her delusional belief system
> solely as a result
> of evangelistic S.S.P. behaviours. Because the T.S.P.
> sufferer has never had
> contact with the target, he or she is unlikely to take seriously any
> argument against the qualities of the target."
> Anybody offering second-hand quotes from targets such as visionaries,
> futurologists, market analysts or CEOs in support of their
> arguments should
> be suspected of T.S.P., Klerphel said.
> Solar Auto-Postereosis (S.A.P.) - this is a rare and virulent
> of the syndrome, Klerphel said. "In some cases, targets
> become burdened with
> the acclaim of S.P. sufferers, and develop their own delusional belief
> system. S.A.P.s, as we refer to them, will then predict increasingly
> exaggerated applications of technology.
> "Some of these proposals, such as Internet refrigerator magnets or
> billion-dollar Web-based stapler component supply businesses,
> are simply
> ridiculous," he said, "while at other times, the S.A.P. will
> believe that
> consumers benefit from actively hostile technologies such as
> spyware, "homes
> of the future", or Web-based clickstream monitoring."
> S.A.P.s should, of course, be avoided at all costs, and
> should never be
> quoted in any media, he said. "However, this last caution is
> One presentation of S.A.P. is observed amongst journalists
> themselves, where
> middle-aged male journalists with ulcers develop the syndrome."
> In all forms, Klerphel said, S.P. is difficult to treat.
> Sufferers will
> usually deny that their symptoms derive from the syndrome, and tend to
> congregate around other sufferers to reinforce their belief
> in the target.
> "We attempted to approach the pharmaceutical industry to
> research possible
> therapies," Klerphel said. "However, the Link Institute's
> researchers found
> that the S.P. epidemic, having swept through the computer
> industry, is now
> infecting the biotechnology sector.
> "Right now, all the money's gone to buying shares in the
> Raelians, so it
> looks like S.P. will remain untreatable, except by
> behavioural therapy.
> "The Link Institute therefore recommends that readers contact
> their nearest
> visionary, and tell him or her to 'get real'."
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