[LINK] Howard tries for Heaven

[Jan Whitaker]

 From an interesting trip down memory lane article from Alan Ramsey:
><http://www.smh.com.au/news/opinion/a-devil-of-a-time-if-you-look-closely/2007/06/08/1181089330756.html?page=fullpage#contentSwap1>http://www.smh.com.au/news/opinion/a-devil-of-a-time-if-you-look-closely/2007/06/08/1181089330756.html?page=fullpage#contentSwap1



One day, during his morning walk, John Howard drops dead. He arrives 
at the Pearly Gates, to be told by St Peter: "We seldom see a 
Liberal, so we're not sure what to do with you." No problem, says 
Howard. "Just let me in, I'm a good Christian."

But St Peter tells him it's not that simple. Under God's new HEAVEN 
CHOICES policy, Howard must spend one day in hell and one day in 
heaven before choosing where he'll live for eternity. And with that, 
St Peter rings the bell, an elevator arrives, and down Howard goes, 
non-stop, to hell.

However, when the doors open Howard finds himself on a lush golf 
course. The sun is shining, the day is perfect, and standing in front 
of a beautiful clubhouse is Bob Menzies, Billy McMahon, Billy Hughes, 
Joh Bjelke-Petersen, Frank and Kerry Packer, Bob Askin, Bob 
Santamaria, and many more. They all run to hug him and talk about the 
old times they had getting rich. They play a round of golf, have a 
lot of laughs, dine in the club on lobster and champagne, and are 
having such a good time that, before Howard realises, it's time to go.

Back in heaven, St Peter takes him inside where, for 24 hours, Howard 
hangs out with a bunch of ordinary, good-natured people who enjoy 
each other's company, eat simply, talk about things other than money 
and treat each other decently. Not a broken promise or short-arse 
joke among them, but what Howard notices most is that he doesn't see 
anybody he knows.

The day over, Howard tells St Peter: "Heaven has been delightful but 
I really think I belong in hell with my friends."

So back into the elevator and down he goes, only this time when the 
doors open he's surrounded by endless scorched earth covered with 
smog and filth, while all his friends are chained together in rags 
and are filling black drums with toxic waste.

The Devil appears.

"I don't understand," stammers Howard. "Yesterday I was here and 
there was a golf course and a clubhouse and I ate lobster and drank 
champagne with all my friends. We lazed around and had a great time. 
Now there's just a wasteland and everybody is miserable!"

The Devil puts an arm around him, smiling, and says silkily: 
"Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"



Jan Whitaker
JLWhitaker Associates, Melbourne Victoria
jwhit at janwhitaker.com
business: http://www.janwhitaker.com
personal: http://www.janwhitaker.com/personal/
commentary: http://janwhitaker.com/jansblog/

Writing Lesson #54:
Learn to love revision. Think of it as polishing the silver for 
guests. - JW, May, 2007

'Seed planting is often the most important step. Without the seed, 
there is no plant.' - JW, April 2005
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